So I’m 22 days into the keto diet.
Over the years, I’ve tried to lose weight. For a bit, I was successful. Like in 2012 when I lost close to 30lbs and started running. I felt wonderful then. I enjoyed running so much. It was internal therapy to push all my negative feelings into getting my feet moving. I could think and yell and be mad but after a run, I felt resolved. If I was having a particularly hard depression/self hate time, I could beat myself up healthily with a run.
I’ve missed it desperately. I really have. Being the weight I am now, it’s been difficult to move beyond day-to-day life. Lincoln died. And then the twins surprised us. We moved. My marriage has hit a pretty hard rough spot. There is excuse after excuse why I haven’t been able to get it going. But I’m done with that shit. I’m ready to get back to my therapy. I’m ready to not be so tired I can’t function. I’m ready to be able to keep up with my kids.
See, when the boys were born, I gained about 35 lbs and when you’re already 300 lbs at 5’3″ that is no good. I’ve struggled so much with my body image as of late as well as always just feeling miserable. Every time I would attempt to control my eating habits, as soon as I started seeing the scale move, I would self sabotage and eat everything terrible for me. When I gave up diet coke, I really feel like that was a major starting point for me. It’s been a habit for me for close to 8 years and to finally kick it after saying time and time again that I would, felt amazing. It made me feel like I could for real accomplish something after years and years of being a quitter when it came to tough stuff.
Then in September, I felt like I was screwed in the health department. I was never gonna do it. Never lose weight and probably die young of a heart attack because I wasn’t taking care of my body. I looked into surgery and honestly it’s just something I can’t justify to my brain because I feel like I can do it without. I know how well some do with it but I wasn’t ready for potential complications. Also I’m terrified of anesthesia. If ever something cosmetic comes up, I’m reallyyyyy going to have to want it to overcome that hurdle.
So here I am, 22 days into Keto. I’m down to 319 even after starting at 336.2 lbs with my next official weigh in on Sunday. I did not much in the way of exercise today but that okay, because I’m working on it. I’m excited to see what future me becomes!